The Patriarch, Part 1: Introducing My Father

If you've read Part 2 of my self-introduction on here ("So What's a Dharmic Divorcée?"), which delineates some of the patriarchal social values I grew up with, you probably won't be too surprised to hear that my father has been a major influence in my life.  Of course, that's true for anyone whose father has taken a hand in raising them, but in my case the sheer magnitude of my father's impact basically can't be overemphasized.  Have you heard of the Enneagram personality typing system?  It divides all human personalities into nine basic types.  In that system, my dad's core type is unmistakably Type 8.  Everything I've ever read about Type 8 has been nothing short of stunning in how well it fit my dad.  One place you can read about Type 8 is here.

Not only is my dad a core 8, but he also has the other two assertive Enneagram types (7 and 3) as the other fixes in his Tritype^TM!  (Read my post explaining tritype theory here).  AND his instinctual variant stacking is sx/so (sexual instinct first, social second)!  (The sexual-first maximizes his intensity, while the sx/so stacking gives him a constantly radiating energy.)  So basically, he is just about as "Type A" and take-charge as you can get.  Here's one more link: a description of his Myers-Briggs type, which is ENTJ.

One of the truest sentences in the above-linked description of Type 8, for my family anyway, is: "Intimate relationships are frequently the arena in which an Eight's control issues are most obviously played out."  Of course, this is natural.  Why control if you don't care?  The main reasons for wanting to control a situation, as far as I can see, are (A) caring about the outcome and/or (B) having a duty or job description that involves doing so.  Your family members tend to be the ones you care about most AND the ones you have the most duty towards.  So therefore, your family members will just naturally be the ones you'll feel the need to shepherd in the right direction most frequently.  With 8s, this control-in-order-to-protect urge is just a lot stronger than it is with most other types.

My dad's caring, protective heart isn't hard to see, at least for those of us who know him well.  As the description said: "Eights often have a sentimental side... [W]hile trust does not come easily to an Eight, when an Eight does take someone into the inner sanctum, they find a steadfast ally and stalwart friend. The Eight's powerful protective instincts are called into play when it comes to the defense of family and friends, and Eights are frequently generous to a fault in providing for those under their care."  All this, too, is perfectly true of him.  As daughters of patriarchal families go, I'm one of the lucky ones.  There are many patriarchal fathers out there who control without offering love.  My dad has always given me more love than I knew what to do with, plus endless validation and encouragement.

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